Trigun Meets Supermarket Sweep
by Merlose
Summary: Vash and Wolfwood team up against Meryl and Milly on the game show Supermarket Sweep in order to solve a financial crisis. But, who are the two other mysterious contestants? *Chapter 2 up*
1. Prelude to Battle

This is the first fanfic I have ever written. I have no idea why I wrote it, but the idea of Trigun characters competing on Supermarket Sweep just struck me as funny. If you've never heard of Supermarket Sweep it's a game show that basically takes place in a fake supermarket. Here's a link to information about the show (the site is really boring, but it gives you an idea of what the game is like):   
  
www.supermarketsweep.com  
  
Feel free to review and tell me what you like or don't like. There should be more action and comedy next chapter.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Trigun or Supermarket Sweep (but I might if wishful thinking counted).  
  
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Trigun meets Supermarket Sweep  
  
Chapter 1: Prelude to Battle  
  
Backstage, six contestants waited in an overly decorated, but poorly lit lounge area. They had all come to compete in a game that not only required physical endurance, dexterity, and ingenuity, but metal prowess as well. Within the next hour they would be launching themselves down linoleum lined aisles and grasping at whatever dry packaged goods were in the proximity of their upper limbs. They were about to become gladiators in the arena known as "Supermarket Sweep".  
  
As the three teams of two waited in the oppressively cheery (yellow daisy wallpaper anyone?) room for any indication that their time had come to enter the stage, four sets of eyes, filled with hostility, darted back and forth meeting the intimidating glances of their competitors. Each contestant sat next to their teammate on one of three couches creating a radius of hostility around their occupied piece of furniture.  
  
Suddenly, a pair of aqua eyes met grey ones and in the stiflingly silent room an angry voice broke out.  
  
"VASH!!!" cried Meryl standing up and pointing her finger accusingly. "Why in the hell do you keep giving me those weird looks?"  
  
Almost immediately following Meryl's statement, the aqua eyes shifted from a look of slited harshness to one of wide eyed innocence.  
  
"What are you talking about insurance girl?" Vash asked with an air of confusion and slight anxiety in his voice. "I'm just bored out of my mind and I can't help looking around the room."   
  
Abruptly, Meryl rose from her sitting position on the sofa and began to walk slowly, but forcefully towards the perpetrator of the last statement, a threatening glare on her face.  
  
"We've been stuck in here for over 45 minutes." Vash squeaked out, shrinking into the couch as the menacing Meryl continued her progression towards him. "I just ran out of places to look."  
  
Meryl once again raised an accusatory finger, but this time she placed it only inches from Vash's face. "I know what you were trying to do. Don't even attempt to deny it. You were trying to psych me out."   
  
Meryl then narrowed her eyes even further and hissed out a sentence, the last part coated in sarcasm. "You just want me to question my ability to compete against the almighty Vash the Stampede."   
  
Vash's eyes suddenly became even wider and his mouth opened into a surprised O shape. Eventually the O shape shifted to a slight grin and Vash's voice took a sincere tone. "Insurance girl, I would never do that. I am the purveyor of love and peace, remember?"   
  
Meryl's finger seemed to lower a few inches and her features softened a bit. But, this change was to be only momentary.  
  
"Besides, it's not like you're any real competition for me and Wolfwood anyway.", Vash said with a huge grin on his face. This statement was followed by a fit of quick, high-pitched laughter by the blonde gunman.  
  
A fist began to rise as Meryl's eyes once again narrowed on Vash's face and this same fist would have soon intersected with the top of Vash's head had it not been for the intervention of a dark haired priest. As Meryl's clenched fist began it's descent toward Vash's head Wolfwood's hand shot out and caught her wrist only inches above the oblivious (and still laughing) Vash's forehead.   
  
Wolfwood looked at Meryl and shook his head, indicating she should give up her attack. Meryl only seemed to deepen her scowl in defiance and most likely would have reached out with her free arm to continue her attempt at assault on Vash if it had not been for the interjection of her teammate.  
  
"Senpai, why don't you come sit down? I'm sure it won't be that much longer." Milly said, her voice tinged with concern.  
  
Meryl let out an exasperated sigh and wrenched her arm from Wolfwood's grasp. She then turned and began to walk back to the sofa she and Milly were sharing. However, only seconds after she had turned towards Milly she heard a loud thunk followed by an outraged cry. She turned back to find Vash rubbing the top of his head, glaring at Wolfwood, while Wolfwood wore a small, but satisfied smirk.  
  
"What the hell was that for?" Vash asked in a highly irritated tone.   
  
"Stop trying to stir up trouble with the other team Tongari. Save your energy for the game." Wolfwood replied as he put his arms behind his head and laid back against the couch he and Vash were sitting on.  
  
Vash rubbed the top of his head unhappily and mumbled "So much for camaraderie." It was then that Vash began thinking about the progression of events which had brought him onto the game show "Supermarket Sweep" as a contestant.   
  
*Flashback, about 2 weeks earlier*  
  
Vash glanced over the various sets of numbers and equations he had written out on the wrinkled piece of notebook paper. He recalculated the amounts one more time in his head, double checking that all the numbers were correct, but hoping for some oversight in his previous calculations. Finally he raised his eyes from the heavily marked piece of paper. He had made no mistakes, this meant that his current financial situation was more dire than he had previously thought.  
  
Being the selfless and humble drifter he was meant that he didn't feel the need to partake in many of the more expensive activities available to him or to spend his money on items he saw as other than necessities. However, traveling was costly, what with having to constantly pay for rooms at hotels, buying meals, and occasionally spending the night unwinding with a few drinks. Those expenses had started to really add up recently and now he found himself in a bit of a financial panic.  
  
Just as Vash was beginning to think about the full consequences of his current situation, Wolfwood walked into the hotel room they were sharing reading over a recently bought newspaper. Wolfwood looked up and seemed to sense a muted panic in Vash's eyes.  
  
"Vash is something wrong? You look a little tense." Wolfwood remarked.  
  
Vash put on one of his less sincere smiles and looked directly at Wolfwood. "It's nothing big, just some financial stuff I need to work out."   
  
"Aw, have your donut and salmon sandwich addictions put you in debt tongari?" Wolfwood asked sarcastically.  
  
"No, it's more like the fifty double dollars I have to spend each night on hotel rooms and all the money on food and medical bills and..." before Vash could continue Wolfwood cut him off.  
  
"Okay, okay I get it. So, what are you gonna do?"   
  
Vash pondered Wolfwood's question for a moment. "I guess I'll have to get a job, at least for a little while. Working as a bodyguard seems to pay the best, but I don't know if there's any demand for such a job in this town." Vash sighed. They had been held-up in a fairly ratty little hotel for the last two days while Vash decided what his next move would be. Things were not looking good for him right now.  
  
"Well, don't feel too down. I'm in a situation similar to yours, but unfortunately mine was a result of my nicotine addiction." As Wolfwood spoke the last part, he pulled a bent cigarette out of his mouth and stared at it for a few seconds before placing it back in it's previous position between his upper and lower lips.  
  
Vash smirked. "Nice to know I'm not alone."  
  
Wolfwood grumbled and then started to, once again, read over the newspaper he had bought. After a few seconds of looking over the paper an ad in the bottom right corner caught his eye. It read:  
  
**************************  
CONTESTANTS NEEDED  
  
Does your knowledge of food products and slogans impress or frighten your friends and family members?  
  
Are you in good physical health and have the ability to lift and hurl 10 lb. butterball turkeys with great ease?  
  
Do you have a competitive spirit which revels in the idea of going up against other teams for great prizes?  
  
Do you have a friend/coworker/family member who also shares many of these traits and would be willing to compete with you on a nationally televised game show?  
  
Most of all, do you wish to earn a large amount of cash and in doing so are willing to risk great humiliation and/or bodily harm?  
  
If you answered yes to all of these questions than you may just have what it takes to be a contestant on "Supermarket Sweep". Please call Jenny at 666-2728 to find out more.  
  
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"Heh, this is perfect!" Wolfwood shrieked, earning him a funny look from Vash. Wolfwood then showed Vash the article and both came to the conclusion that this was an opportunity to solve their financial woes that they could just not pass up. They quickly called the contact from the article, Jenny, and underwent a grueling 45 minute phone interview before finally being accepted as contestants in an upcoming episode.   
  
*End Flashback*  
  
As Vash sat next to Wolfwood on the couch they were sharing, reflecting about how he had come to his current position, he suddenly began to wonder just how and why Milly and Meryl had come about being chosen as contestants as well.  
  
His eyes narrowed at the duo, who were currently glancing around the poorly lit and badly decorated room. Finally, Vash's eyes settled on Meryl. She had to be the one who was behind it, with her inherent abilities at scheming and conniving.  
  
"Say, insurance girls" Vash said, with his eyes narrowing on Meryl. "How was it that you went about becoming contestants on this show again?"  
  
Meryl raised her chin indignantly. "Like I already told you, it was just a coincidence that Milly and I were chosen as contestants on the same show you and Wolfwood were."  
  
She then started to glare at Vash. "You know, it's not like everything we do revolves around you Vash. We have our own lives too."  
  
Vash thought it best to give up his pursuit of how exactly Milly and Meryl had gotten on the show then. The corner of Meryl's left eye had begun to twitch a little and he felt a blow-up on her part was inevitable if he continued.  
  
Across from him, Meryl was inwardly taking a sigh of relief that Vash seemed to have given up his pursuit of the truth. It had, in fact, been no coincidence that she and Milly had ended up as contestants on the same show as the men across from them.  
  
*Flashback, about 2 weeks prior*  
  
Both Milly and Meryl were leaning slightly, with their ears against the wall of their hotel room. Each woman was listening intently to the conversation in the adjacent hotel room between Vash and Wolfwood.   
  
Meryl heard the muffled voice of Vash as he complained about all the expenses associated with living the life of an outlaw. "No, it's more like the fifty double dollars I have to spend each night on hotel rooms and..."   
  
Milly then began to whisper to Meryl. "It sounds like Mr. Vash is running out of money Senpai." Meryl nodded her head to indicate that she agreed, but did not verbally reply as she continued to eavesdrop on the conversation next door.   
  
The two woman continued to lean against the wall for a couple more minutes listening intently before they heard Wolfwood's voice suddenly become tinged with excitement, "Heh, this is perfect!". It was then that Wolfwood had gone into detail about the ad he had found in the paper to Vash.  
  
"Hey Milly" Meryl whispered. "Go down and buy one of today's papers."   
  
"Alright Senpai." Milly whispered as she quietly made her way from the wall to the door and eventually exited the room.  
  
Meryl had continued to listen to their conversation even after Milly had come back with the paper and even as Vash and Wolfwood worked their way through the grueling phone interview. She waited until the two men hung up the phone and then both cheered at their acceptance onto the game show.  
  
Finally, Meryl turned to Milly and spoke. "Milly, we're gonna be contestants on that show too. It will be the best way to make sure Vash doesn't cause any damages and we might even be able to earn some money in the process."  
  
Meryl didn't want to admit it, but the need for money was one of the driving factors in her decision. For a while now their money had been low. They had even had to borrow some cash from Vash for bus fare at one point. This might be an opportunity to rectify their current financial situation, while conducting their job at the same time.  
  
It was then that Meryl and Milly had called up Jenny and gone through the same grueling interview process that their counterparts next door had been subject to only a short time before. Meryl had been a little worried at one point that they might not make it on, but at the end of the interview Jenny had congratulated them and told them where to be and what to expect in relation to the game show.  
  
"Well, we'll see you in a couple weeks then." said Jenny.   
  
"Great!" replied Meryl, not holding back her enthusiasm. "Thanks so much and goodbye."  
  
Meryl then hung up the phone and thought about the recent turn of events. Maybe going on this game show would actually be kind of fun. She knew that Milly and herself tended to work well as a team, so maybe they would actually do well on the show. Maybe they would even win. Meryl smiled at her last thought and turned to Milly.  
  
"Don't say anything about this to Vash or Wolfwood, okay?" she remarked to the tall girl. "We don't want them getting paranoid and thinking we're spying on them or anything."  
  
Milly giggled at her friends last statement. "Don't worry Senpai. I won't breathe a word of this to Mr. Vash or Mr. Priest."  
  
*End flashback*  
  
So here she was, sitting across from the Humanoid Typhoon himself and preparing to go up against him and his partner on a nationally televised game show. She knew the fluttering feeling of anxiety in her stomach was not a good sign. It seemed to her that inevitably some level of damage done to the set or area surrounding the studio because of Vash's presence, but she hoped that she could at least minimize it.  
  
Vash had noticed the expression of the insurance girl across from him had gone from one of moderately seething anger to that of slight anxiety and distress. 'God, does she ever relax?' he wondered. 'Maybe she'll completely crumble under the pressure of being on television and have some type of panic attack' Vash mused. 'Oh well, that would just mean less competition for me and Wolfwood.'  
  
It was then that he began to wonder about the other two competitors in the lounge area that he had not seen or spoken to yet. Over in an especially poorly lit area of the room two figures sat on the only darkly upholstered couch within the room. For some strange reason, the light seemed unable to reach the area around them and a shadow hung over the area they were sitting, disallowing Vash from being able to make out any clear features belonging to the pair of contestants.   
  
Vash had a strange feeling about the two other mysterious contestants. He rose from his seat and began to slowly make his way over to them in order to get a better view of what they looked like.  
  
After just a couple of steps, Vash was interrupted by the opening of the only door of the room and the cry of an obnoxiously cheery voice. "Alrighty peps, it looks your time has come to take the stage" a short, but pudgy woman cried out, her ponytail of red hair bouncing as she spoke. "Come on, let's get a move on everybody, the audience is waiting." She said the last part with especially strong emphasis.  
  
"Finally!" Meryl cried and rose up from her seat.   
  
"Yay, this is going to be so much fun!" cried Milly, following Meryl towards the lounge door.  
  
"Hey Tongari" Wolfwood spoke. "Let's go."  
  
Vash turned towards the door and began to follow Wolfwood out. Just before he exited the room he glanced back over his shoulder at the two individuals still seated and shrouded in shadow. Quickly he turned back and exited the room.  
  
"I understand master" one of the shadowed figures spoke to the other. "Vash the Stampede will experience eternal pain and suffering." The figure then slowly licked his left hand.  
  
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This was kind of a boring chapter, but the next will probably more exciting. The rating will definitely be going up next chapter too. 


	2. Prelude to Battle Part II

Wow, I really didn't think I was going to get any reviews for this story. A big thanks goes out to those who did review. I know I said last chapter that the rating would go up during this one, but it's not going to yet (Vash does get naked though :P). It won't be until next chapter that the game finally begins either. Sorry, but I can't seem to stop dragging the antics backstage out.  
  
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"But, I wanted to be red," whined Vash as he pointed at the sweatshirts Milly and Meryl were wearing. Wolfwood simply took a drag from his bent cigarette and ignored Vash's theatrics.  
  
"Get over it Vash," Meryl said with a groan. "We were assigned our team colors, so there's no way for us to trade now."  
  
"Green is a nice color anyway Mr. Vash," Milly commented while eyeing the sweatshirts which Vash and Wolfwood currently had on.  
  
Vash simply sighed at her response and seemed to surrender to his fate as a member of the "green" team.  
  
The four contestants had been herded into a small room just next to the stage. The redheaded woman who had earlier retrieved them from the lounge area had, soon after, introduced herself as Harmony. However, the woman's intrinsic nature seemed to defy her name, as her voice often seemed to take on a condescending tone and she had no tolerance for behavior or dialogue which she saw as "unproductive". Her initial friendliness towards the foursome had actually turned out to be a poorly maintained façade which had soon crumbled after she was met with task of finding Vash appropriate attire.  
  
Vash hadn't expected them to make him change out of his long, red coat, so he had simply worn his usual clothing underneath. However, once handed the green sweatshirt he was obligated to wear he had realized that this new article of clothing might not go so well with what he currently had on beneath his coat.  
  
The contrast of the baggy, green sweatshirt with his knee pads, tight black pants, and knee high leather boots made him look like something of an S&M freak gone sporty. Apparently, he shared this sentiment with just about everyone in the room, as he had gotten funny looks from both Wolfwood and Meryl after removing his long coat and putting on the sweatshirt.  
  
"Don't you realize how inappropriate what you're wearing is?" Harmony had asked after noticing the blonde's lower half.  
  
"I understand that this show obligates contestants to engage in a certain level of physicality, but this is a family show," Harmony had said with a moderate level of annoyance in her voice. "Some level of decorum is expected from the contestants, even in their choice of clothing."  
  
"Uh, sorry," Vash muttered, unsure of exactly how he should respond, but not wanting to further upset the woman.  
  
Harmony sighed. "I guess I'll just have to go find you something more appropriate. I think one of the stagehands is about your height and has some khaki pants on, so I'll just go borrow them," Harmony said revealing a smirk as she thought about how the poor stagehand would react when ordered to take off his pants.  
  
"You mean you're gonna make me wear someone else's pants?" Vash asked, his discomfort at this prospect evident as he tugged at the hem of his sweatshirt.  
  
"That's right," Harmony retorted as she walked out of the room. She turned her head back as a second thought seemed to enter her mind.  
  
"Don't even think about leaving this room and wandering around," she said, the tone of her voice slightly intimidating. "That goes for all of you." She then turned and swiftly shut the door behind her.  
  
Over the next few minutes the contestants all seemed to react in differing ways to their growing boredom. The poorly lit and badly decorated lounge now seemed quite inviting in comparison to the small, dingy, and inadequately furnished room they were currently being held up in.  
  
Meryl had, in an unconscious display of her current agitation, begun to quickly tap her toe on the floor while she leaned against the wall with her arms across her chest.  
  
Wolfwood continued smoking his cigarette, his eyes closed as he unrepentantly enjoyed the habit.  
  
Milly was staring up at the buzzing, fluorescent lights which decorated the ceiling. A soft smile upon her face which seemed to indicate that she was thinking of something pleasant (maybe pudding?).  
  
Vash was growing more restless with each passing minute and at just about the time he thought he could no longer stand being trapped in the tiny room Harmony had finally returned with the pants for him.  
  
"Here you go," she said shoving them into Vash's hands. "Hurry up and change," she added as she crossed her arms over her chest looking annoyed.  
  
Vash's face immediately took on an expression of distress. "Umm, where exactly am I supposed to change?" he asked the short woman in front of him while glancing around the small room.  
  
"You're just gonna have to change in here. We don't have time for you to wander around backstage until you find a place where you're comfortable enough to strip down to your skivvies, so get on with it." the small women said with growing annoyance in her voice.  
  
Vash's stared down at the floor self-consciously. "Well, you see that would be fine, but these pants are kind of tight so I'm not exactly able to wear much under them."  
  
Harmony's eyebrows raised up as well as the right corner of her mouth. "Oh, I see. So, you're saying that you don't have any underwear on?"  
  
Vash's cheeks became a bit more flushed, but his expression also seemed to change to one of mild relief. "Yeah, now you understand."  
  
Meryl groaned and rolled her eyes. "Why am I somehow not surprised," she mumbled.  
  
"Hey," Vash piped up defensively.  
  
Just as he was about to go on a tirade about how Meryl had no right to judge his choices in apparel (or lack thereof), Milly interrupted Vash.  
  
"I bet you don't wear them because they chafe your sensitive areas Mr. Vash." she said with an understanding smile.  
  
Suddenly, everyone in the room (except Milly of course) blushed a bit. This last comment had actually caused Vash's face to progress toward a shade of near beet red.  
  
Meryl quirked her eyebrow and began to examine Milly's face. "Uh Milly, just how exactly would you know about that kind of thing anyway?" she asked.  
  
"Well, you see my big big brother was a ballet dancer for a while and one time he told me about how he had to wear some really tight tights and how they had made his--," before Milly could finish she was cut off by Meryl.  
  
"Um, Milly never mind. Don't worry about it," Meryl said quickly, afraid to know just where Milly's little anecdote was going.  
  
Harmony was growing tired of what she saw as entirely pointless discussion. After a bit on internal debating she decided to give in and allow Vash to change somewhere else.  
  
"Hey Blondie," the pudgy woman called out to Vash. "Come with me."  
  
It took Vash a moment to comprehend that she had finally decided to let him change his clothes in privacy, but once this realization hit he immediately trailed after her with a relieved smirk on his face. However, his relief was short lived as he was hastily introduced to his makeshift changing room.  
  
Harmony led him across the hallway and a few doors down to a broom closet and then motioned for him to enter.  
  
"What? You want me to change in there?" the disbelieving Vash asked.  
  
"Hey, beggars can't be choosers," Harmony retorted, steering Vash by the shoulders into the dank and pitch black closet. Vash whimpered a bit, but finally accepted that these were the only private accommodations available to him and took several steps inside.  
  
Once she judged he was far enough inside the closet, Harmony slammed the door on Vash and waited for him to emerge in the khaki pants. However, Harmony had not realized the danger of putting the Humanoid Typhoon himself in a small, dark, enclosed area with various hard and sharp objects surrounding him.  
  
Over the next several minutes, many screams, yelps, and crashes were emitted from the closet as the lanky blonde attempted to cast off his constrictive pants and boots in exchange for the khaki slacks. Finally, after many painful encounters with the closet's cement floor, Vash had changed into the pants. He carried his tight black pants and boots out with him as he exited the tiny closet.  
  
"Took you long enough," Harmony muttered as Vash emerged. In the back of her mind, Harmony thought she now understood why the blonde gunman felt a need to wear so much padding in addition to his close-fitting clothing.  
  
It was then that Harmony noticed the state of Vash's hair. It was sticking up in various places, but fell flat in others. She assumed this was a result of his encounters with various objects within the closet. After making a quick decision in regards to the show's reputation, Harmony spit into her hands, rubbed them together, and then proceed to part Vash's hair with her hands.  
  
Vash was a bit surprised as well as horrified by her action, but didn't move away from her for fear of being chastised once again.  
  
"That's better," Harmony said, leaving Vash with the straight part that seemed almost the reverse of his usual, preferred hairstyle.  
  
Vash badly wanted to run his hands through his hair in an effort to bring it back to its normal position. However, he decided to hold back until Harmony left him alone.  
  
"I guess you'll just have to put your boots back on. It won't matter much since your pants will cover them anyway," she commented as they made their way back to the room where Milly, Meryl, and Wolfwood were waiting.  
  
Once they reached the room Harmony glanced down at her watch. "I'll have to leave you people alone now, it's about time they start anyway. But, I'm warning you, you had better not leave that room!" Harmony said the last sentence with a threatening glare.  
  
"Yes ma'am!" Vash replied, inwardly thanking a higher power that he would finally be rid of the woman. Harmony rolled her eyes and then swiftly walked away while Vash turned and opened the door.  
  
++++++++++++++++++++++++++  
  
This chapter ended having a lot more of Harmony than I initially meant. But, she probably won't be around much for the rest of the story. Next chapter the game (finally) begins and the mystery contestants are revealed. 


End file.
